The Phoenix Nest

You say goodbye and I say hello

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 05:57:13 GMT

In less than one week from today I’ll be on my way back to Gainesville. So many of my friends can’t wait to jump on a plane or get on a bus to get back to their school, I’m not quite to that point yet. Especially with so little time left to spend with my friends, I don’t know how to even begin to let go. I have a few plans for this week that will hopefully be fun, so I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

Sunday night Crystal and I went on a double date with Rachel and Jake. We went to Uncle Al’s for dinner, played some pool, drove to Sawgrass, chilled over at GameWorks for awhile, and then saw a movie over at the theater. I know that it was the most comfortable of settings, but I felt that it was as good as it was going to get. One can only feel uncomfortable if they feel the need to be. It’s a mental game, but definitely easier said than done. I’m glad that we did it and I’m happy that everyone at least gave it a shot.

I’ve been watching a whole lot of the Olympics over the last few days and it really is a kewl concept. Other than thru war we never really get the chance to communicate and work alongside the rest of the world, especially in a civilized manor. It’s really interesting to see how every country performs in each of the sports and how they conduct themselves. Basically, each of these athletes are there representing their country, so they’re really being watched by the whole world, millions of people. Kinda kewl. Too bad the women’s foil team had their asses kicked. But like I said, it’s still kinda kewl to watch.

This summer has been filled with a bunch of movies, so this is me listing them :p

Iron Man, The Forbidden Kingdom, Indiana Jones 4, TCONL: Prince Caspian, The Happening, The Strangers, Kung Fu Panda, Hancock, Wall-E, Mamma Mia, The X-Files, Swing Vote, The Dark Knight, and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. That’s 14 movies right there, and I saw a few of them multiple times and often bought two tickets each time too, so you’re welcome movie industry, I did my share for this summer.

Shopping with Laura and Victoria went alright on Tuesday. It was pretty much with just Victoria for most of the day, Laura only for the tail end of it. And then Wednesday was Freshmen Orientation. Sure, very few people came and no Friedman really sucked, but it was still nice to be there. Thursday was full of me packing and then some time with Crystal… sigh, not enough time. I still have a lot to look forward to for the rest of this week. Spending some time with Rachel’s girls on Friday, End of the Summer dinner Saturday, and then a BBQ on Sunday with last minute packing with Crystal. This is going to be one hell of an emotional week I’m sure…

Speaking of the dinner, if anyone’s interested, it’s Saturday night at Sweet Tomatoes, so please come if you’re interested and feel free to invite others.

Thanks to those who made this summer enjoyable :)

R.I.P. Saturn

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 16:13:30 GMT

I know that this is a little silly, but my car has been with me all over the place, so I thought I’d list some of them :p

Two seasons of FlaRF
Four trips to Disney World
Countless nights in Weston with Marina
Many adventures to the beach
Two drive-in movies with Crystal
Too many chauffer expeditions for Rachel’s girls
My ride for my senior year at South

And many many more…

It lost its side mirror, had its tire blown out from under it, and it was rear ended on the last day of school, yet it brought me to where it needed to go. Bye bye Mr. Saturn.

"Living on a Prayer"

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:58:21 GMT

On July 16^th, I was a part of another car accident, but this time I wasn’t to blame. I was driving home when all of a sudden the SUV from the lane next to me turned into mine and slammed the breaks. I crashed into the back of their car, my face slamming into the airbag from my steering wheel, and by the time I could realize what had just happened, I could see the other driver leaving the scene, leaving me to die.

There’s nothing like a car accident to give one a reality check. It changes everything from your mental state to your daily routine. Now I don’t have a car anymore, I’ve spent hundreds of dollars in towing fees, and I can’t help but to worry when my friends are behind the wheel now. Thankfully I was alone during both of my accidents, but I don’t want to even begin to think of any one close to me being involved in one themselves.

There are scenes in movies and television shows where a character had just been involved in some sort of accident and the world around them is spinning as the sound of their surroundings is distorted. Well, that is pretty accurate of the feeling that one gets from that type of thing. I close my eyes sometimes and feel the sudden jerk of the car as mine came crashing into theirs, the tires screeching as I tried to change out of their lane. Slamming into their vehicle at 45 mph barely gave me enough time to realize that my life could’ve ended right there and then…

During my "emo" moments in my life, I've played a scenario in my head many times. I've wondered what it would be like to be in the hospital after an accident or something. I'd do this because I would be curious of who would actually care enough to come visit me there or check in on me. Well, this accident was, I hope, the closest I'd ever come to that scenario and it actually made me feel better about myself in a way. From it I learnt who actually, sincerely, cares for my well being. It was nice to get a call back from a friend who I haven't heard from all summer. It's nice to be reminded of how much people care about you sometimes.

Life shouldn’t be short, but it can be. Don’t waste a chance to say thank you or to spend time with those you love.

Thank you.

Chocolate (Choco Choco)

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:31:21 GMT

Good bye Wannado City. There’s always a chance that I’ll be back there one of these days, but as of now, I’m excited to not have to walk thru those venues surrounded by hundreds of kids. No more counting Wongas, no more bitchy parents, no more Jacky and her damn Pixy Stix!!! It’s a nice feeling, I get to go pick up my last paycheck on Friday and I stole enough candy from the Wonka Factory to last me till then.

This past week went pretty well. On Wednesday I think, I went with Crystal and her drama friends to Muvico for the premier of Swing Vote. I actually liked the movie, plus it had one of the funniest scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie too. Then Saturday was my last day of work, so woot. After work I went Ice Skating with Crystal, Rachel, Sarah, Miranda, Jenn, Chrissy, Jake, Jake’s brother and Christian. I love the feeling of gliding on the ice feeling free. Then afterwards we went to IHOP, which was fun as usual. Damn them for not having the Turkey, sigh…

And then I had the whole day with Crystal on Sunday. We watched movies, made cookies, played Rock Band, lots of fun. It’s scary to think that we have so little time left, but we’ll make it worth it. And as I said before, I’ll be back often; it’s only a five hour bus ride, right?

I’m not sure why, but my stomach feels like crap. I’m going to go look for some lunch, it might help a little.

By the way, I’m planning an End-of-the-Summer Dinner at Sweet Tomatoes and everyone’s invited, so yeah, I’ll post more details soon.

Tangled Up in Blue

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 04:49:25 GMT

So, now that the summer is almost over, I guess it's time to start looking at what I have to be excited for in the near future. I have a few "events" planned over the next few weeks that should be fun. Ice skating this Saturday, movies to watch, playing tennis, going swimming, eating dinner, and just spending time with friends.

It's weird how separated your social life becomes when you leave for college. Yes, I do try to maintain contact with certain friends of mine, but it just isn't the same unless you have the opportunity to go see them, even if you don't take it. There are some rare cases in which the friends of both lives are either one of the same or somehow meet each other. In both cases, it can be either a good thing or a bad thing, but for now I'll be optimistic think of the good.

But anyway, as for college, I have some things to look forward to. For example, no more Mike!!! He was my shitty third roommate who I'll, hopefully, never have to see again. And then there's Fencing, something that I've actually missed a lot. Too bad I'm probably out of shape and will die when I get there. As tiring as Wannado City is, it isn't what one would consider exercise. I'm also taking French this semester. It's going to be the first time I've taken a language class since Spanish back in 8th grade, and back then I didn't really appreciate the value of knowing another language, so I'm sort of excited. I'm just hoping that I can wake up every morning for an 8:30 class and care enough to do my homework. And then there's the freedom of course. Not having to worry about needing a car. Being able to just roll out of bed, yell at Patrick, and then go and get some lunch is a great feeling. Seeing the friends in my "college world" should be nice too. Of course I'm going to miss many of my friends from down here, but that's the way things are now. I'll be sure to visit often anyway, so everything should be alright.

Two nights ago (three nights technically), Crystal and I went and saw the X-Files movie or our "anniversary". To be quite honest, we don't exactly know when to celebrate our anniversary due to the whole breaking up thing, but whatever :) But yeah, I thought it was a good movie. I don't want to spoil it for all two people who actually read my LJ, both who have probably already seen it, but I was hoping for more paranormal stuff, still a good movie though. I also saw Mamma Mia a few days ago. I actually enjoyed it a lot. Damn that ABBA for making me feel gay. It didn't help that there were only middle aged women in that theater dancing in the aisles during the songs.

Since my last post, I’ve gotten into a ridiculous car accident. Basically, some drunk guy jumped into my lane and then slammed the breaks. I tried to swerve out of the way but failed and crashed into the back of their SUV. After my head hit the steering wheel airbag, I looked up to see the driver driving away into a neighborhood. So basically it was a hit and run, but I hit them and they ran. They left me to die, which is pretty fucked up in my opinion. Things like that experience haunt one’s dreams. There have been times when I’ve closed my eyes and heard nothing but tires screeching. A few nights ago, I had a really frightening dream. All I remember is Crystal and Marina were arguing about something and then I was driving in my car. Cars around me were driving towards me and flipping over, rolling towards me. I tried to dodge them but failed and skid for awhile until I finally flew out of my car and rolled to my death. I can’t even begin to try to guess what the dream meant, but all I know is that it was ridiculously real feeling. Sigh…

Lots more to write, but it’s sleep time. With three more days of work and so much work as of late, it’s getting harder and harder for me to wake up. So yeah, good night and take care all.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 06:11:02 GMT

    My night tonight turned out to be really nice. These last few nights have all gone well actually. Because Crystal was out of town for our anniversary, we celebrated it tonight instead. We went to the Rainforest Cafe and then came back to my place to bake some s'more brownies. They came out okayish, but they were fun to make nonetheless. I'm glad that Crystal and I are enjoying our time together, taking things one day at a time, so I'm happy.

    As for work, blah. I didn't get my wish from my prayers, I ended up being late for working Saturday morning, so they stuck me in Publix. And then on Sunday, I was sent to the fair for eight hours and then two hours in Coca-Cola. Things turned around on Monday though, they sent me to work at The Miami Herald and I actually enjoyed it a lot. All I have to do is send people out on interviews, help them edit their articles, and then do a bunch of stuff on the computer. Yes, it's really stressful, but time just flew by, so hopefully they'll send me back there tomorrow. I get to work tomorrow, Thursday, Saturday, and all day Sunday. After that, probably the usual Tuesday and Friday off business.

    The 4th of July should be fun. I'm assuming it's just going to be a few of us at Central Park again to watch the fireworks, hopefully we don't get rained on. In case anyone who reads this cares, assuming that there are people who actually read this, you're more than welcome to join us on Friday, feel free to give me a call or leave a message if you want any details. So yay for England getting their ass kicked in the war, thanks Crystal :)

    Tonight may have went well, but it kinda went downhill after I dropped Crystal off at her place. Basically, I had to find a yartzeit candle to light in memory of my grandfather and no freaking Walgreens seems to carry them!!! I drove all around town and failed miserably. I then got home and did some thinking and that's where my previous post came from. I don't want to bring it up in this one too, I just really hope that things get good soon... for my sake.

    And to top my downhill night off, Waldo bit me, badly. Yes, I love him, he's the greatest freaking blind and deaf dog EVER, but he's a pain in the ass too.

~ Peace

It Ends Tonight, It Ends Tonight...

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 05:43:59 GMT

    So, I've been reading the Glass Menagerie, a play by Tennessee Williams. He's my best friend's favorite playwright. This fact made me curious for what she liked about him and I have to admit that I'm enjoying it a lot. I guess I'll have to read A Street Car Named Desire next. Unfortunately, this best friend of mine isn't speaking to me at the moment and it's killing me on the inside.

    She isn't.... wasn't like a normal friend. It's scary how much the two of us had in common. Not only could I rely on her to have great taste in music, but also in the fields of movies, television, and almost everything else imaginable, I could trust that she'd be there for me both in person and emotionally no matter what the problem would be. She included me in group activities with her friends and even ones with her family. We've been to Disney, weddings, concerts, and just about everywhere in between together. She convinced me to do the impossible, to try new things, to even ride the Tower of Terror :) I doubt that I'd be the person that I am today if it weren't for her.

    Unfortunately, things can't always be perfect. Last summer I unintentionally hurt her and others, much worse than I ever imagined possible, something that I will always regret and have to live with every day of my life. But there were other bumps in the friendship, disagreements on how a friendship should be conducted or how feelings should be directed. It's a shame, but that's life I guess. We had so many plans this summer, from fishing to movies. I may never get to see Heath Ledger play the Joker now, but that means nothing to me as I'd rather just have her talking to me again.

    Part of me understands where she is coming from, how she needs a break, how she needs her space, but the other side of me is just angry. I now realize that the depression that comes from her taking a step out of my life is really the majority of what has been bringing me down. I've known her for a couple of years now and I don't think I once went a month without speaking to her and I just can't handle it. I'm trying to, I really am, but I am just so damn upset. She wants me to be there for her but I just want to be happy at the moment, genuinely happy, and when I'm finally close to reaching that state of being, her absence has become the last needed piece in the puzzle.

    Sometimes I feel that I really want to give up on the friendship but I can't. I just wish that I knew if she's even being affected by it all. Maybe I'll be lucky and if her and I do become friends again, that many of our problems will be worked out, I just don't know what to do until then, if then even ever happens. Who knows, maybe she's realized that her life is better off without me in it. I hate how I just sit around hoping that I'll get a call or even a text when it's a pointless dream.

    Maybe one day we'll drink that hot cocoa, I hope that she wasn't only a chapter in my life... but she'll always be the one who taught me that sometimes "hugs" isn't enough...

~Thanks for the memories, Jon

It's a small world after all

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:55:16 GMT

    So yeah, I didn't get my wish from my last post... I ended up working in the Fair again on Wednesday... blah!!! At least I was working in Coca-Cola yesterday, it's sooo much better now that all ten of the headphones are working. I get paid today which is always a plus. My schedule for next week might be messed up, I'll know when I go in tomorrow. According to it, I get out of work next week at 5 rather than the usual 4, but the total hours for the week is the same as it was for this one, meaning one of those two columns are wrong, I'm hoping for the former. Luckily I'll be off for the 4th of July, just gonna chill over at Central Park again, everyone's welcome of course.

    I saw Wall-E last night... AMAZING. I don't want to spoil anything for anyone, but it was definitely another classic Pixar movie. The weird thing though is how many people ended up being there at the theater. I was only planning on seeing it with Rachel, but when we got there standing in front of the theater were: Laura, Victoria, Devon, Danny Stoneburner, Wyatt, Nick, Aly, Monica, Laura's brother Carlos, and Chris. And then after we got our seats walked in Helder, Chantelle, and Mohammad. Finally, after the movie got out, I saw my friend Calwyn from middle school... it is seriously a small world after all.

    Marina is going up to Gainesville for the weekend, which is really kewl. I hope that she has a great time with Roxy. She knows her way around campus already which is pretty kewl, so I'm sure that she'll enjoy herself :) I'm somewhat excited about going back myself. I'm having a lot of highs down here in South Florida, but life is just so much simpler up in Gainesville. Is it bad that I don't think about the school-aspect of college when I'm thinking about going back? *shrugg*

    Today is my anniversary with Crystal, at least the original one. To be quite honest, I'm not sure how the whole thing works when two people break up and get back together on a different day. According to Gilmore Girls, Rory feels they should celebrate the original while Dean wants to celebrate the new one, so Rory says they should just use it as an excuse to have fun twice, but I dunno. She's not even in the state for our original, so I'm figuring that we'll celebrate the new one for this month at least. Thank you Crystal for everything, I love you ^_^

    Chrissy has been entertaining me with her stories of orientation up at Gulf Coast. I'm sure she'll write a post filled with a bunch of details, still keeping me entertained and yeah, that's all :p

    Hung out with Shayla for the first time in god knows how long on Wednesday night, it was fun. We just walked around the mall and went over to Barnes and Noble where she found the book of her dreams, but it was nice. Talked about the usual and some fun stories about our childrenful jobs. Hopefully it won't take as long for us to hang out again as it did this time.

    And I'm just going to end this with a thanks to Rachel for helping me to keep my cool as of late, as she always has, thanks :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                             ~Jon

P.S. Happy 4 months Lady <3

No, I'm simply saying that life, uh... finds a way.

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 04:01:00 GMT

So, it’s been a little while since I’ve last updated here. Since then, I’ve had my birthday party, seen a few movies, and have spent way too much time working in Publix than I ever wanted. With the summer about half way over, I hope that things only go uphill from here.

My birthday ended up going really well this year. I realize that the only reason it didn’t last year was because I’m a jerk, but I had a good time at Laser Quest and then China Buffet afterwards. Unfortunately not everybody that I had expected to be there could make it, but it was nice to see the ones who did come. And even better, everyone coexisted, for the most part at least. I know, crazy, but I take when I can get. I hadn’t been to Laser Quest for over a year before my birthday, but things didn’t really change, so it was still plenty fun. And then China Buffet went well, despite the fact that it was kind of divided up into two tables, but it ended up being alright in the end. I’m not going to lie, I really wish that Marina would’ve just walked through the door and made my birthday something really special, but her Happy Birthday text was good enough I guess.

I saw Strangers, The Happening, and Kung Fu Panda recently and I liked all three of them. The Strangers taught me that I’m chicken shit, but I still enjoyed it for what it was and Crystal and I got out horror movie out of the way. And then The Happening was much better than others are saying. Sure, the acting was pretty crappy, but I think that it was intentional. Basically, don’t screw with nature or it’ll kick your ass. And then Kung Fu Panda was pretty kewl, Jack Black really made that movie kick ass. Yay for the movies!

I have mixed feelings towards Wannado City so far. I’ve enjoyed working with Chrissy and meeting new people, but I never thought I’d hate parents as much as I do. Maybe it’s because I’ve been subjected to the crappiest of venues in Wannado City, Publix and the fair, multiple times each. I actually had a mother walk into Publix and tell me what products should be gathered and put together to form a Jewish section of the store, wtf?! Why are people so strange?! Just let your freaking kid into the place and they’ll be fine, go upstairs and get drunk off of your two drink limit and pass out for all I care :p But yeah, work, that’s life for ya.

My classes at BCC ended up going alright. I got an A in Chem Lab and a B in Chem lecture. I’m just glad that they’re done for, and even better, Chem is done for…. Not including organic of course. I have a bad feeling that when I get to UF and take some classes at a real college again I’m going to get owned, but oh well.

Life with Crystal has been going really well. Sure, her lame theater self has her over in Chicago for two weeks, but before she left we had a great time together. I even spoke to her dad about dating her. Sure, he doesn’t know that we’re dating and he hasn’t given Crystal permission to date me, but it’s a step in the right direction. I can’t wait for her to get back, I just hope that we have a decent amount of time for hanging out before I leave for college again… sigh.

So, that’s all for now. Good night and pray that I get to learn a new venue tomorrow… I know I will

Buy me a star on the boulevard...

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 07:46:38 GMT

Hola,

    I am so tired, I blame Chrissy :p The two of us had a fun time tonight, no thanks to miss Krystal Eischen... we love her very much nonetheless. Every other week, the three of us go out and have a fun night together, whether it be going bowling or playing pool, it doesn't matter. Unfortunately, Krystal had to cancel this week, but Chrissy and I still enjoyed ourselves. I picked her up and brought her over to my house where we plays some Smash Bros and Donkey Konga, lots of fun ^_^ She also told me some Wannado City stories, so I think I'm excited, not too sure yet.

    I had my first of two Wannado City orientations on Tuesday, it was interesting. Despite being five hours, it was helpful I guess. I'm kind of worried about working there, I guess it's more of a nervous. I'm not sure if I should be, I just don't wanna mess up, but I won't know until I try I guess. It'll definitely be something different. I have my second orientation today at four. I hope it's not a big deal that I'm skipping class to go to it, but it's important. I need this job asap... I feel like I'm going poor, I can't handle this any more, so yeah, a job would be nice.

    I really don't understand how anyone can afford these gas prices, blah. Driving from BCC back to my house, out to Crystal's, over to South, and even to Wannado City, I'm dying. On a random note, anyone interested in the whole gas debate, check out this article: http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/2008/04/gas-prices-us-vs-europe.php , it explains things like why we can't compare European and US gas prices and such. I know this seems like a cheap plug, but it's really just me sharing something I thought was interesting.

    As for myself and Crystal, we're happily dating... again ^_^   This time things will be different. No more secrets, no more lies, I will be 100% faithful and I will stay with her into college. Unless her and I choose that being apart would be best for the two of us, nothing can break us up again, so screw you college :P In fact, I'm even going to ask her father for permission to date her tomorrow night. Yes, I realize that I'm doing it out of order, but it's not my fault, the time when I was supposed to ask him was ruined because he ended up having to work, but I did have the right intention to.

    So if I die tomorrow, I love you all. Hopefully I'll live until my birthday on Saturday though, it should be fun. I haven't been to Laser Quest in a REALLY long time, and I can only hope and pray that everyone can get along. Seriously, I know that I screwed up last year on my birthday, but I really hope that things run smoothly this time. Yes, I know they didn't last year because of me and my stupid ways, but I think I've changed for the better and that people can be happy. I really wish that my best friend could make it, but I don't think she wants to be there, so yeah, that upsets me. Not until tonight in lab did it really hit me that she wouldn't be there, and it hit me hard...

    Her and I had a lot of plans for this summer, I guess we're putting them on hold until further notice. I know for a fact that I refuse to see the new Batman movie until I see it with her, no matter who invites me to go see it with them, I'm waiting, period...

    So yeah, life is life. I finally got to hear from my crazy friend Patricia from UF today. It seems that her phone feel into the pool on Thursday and she failed at finding another way to contact me.. grr... but I still find her amazing. She wanted to surprise me by just showing up here in South Florida from her home up in Orlando and I told her that she should wait until we can plan a day to hang out rather than on a night where I have class and she has to be back home in the morning, still very sweet of her though.

    I guess I'm going to go to bed now, I'm pretty tired. My plans for today include going to South, saying good bye to Friedman, spending sometime with Crystal :) , going to Orientation, and speaking to Crystal's dad. And then Friday, Crystal giving me a special day planned for my birthday and then there's the laser quest on Saturday. Damn, I am so exhausted, is it time for a vacation yet?...

    ~Take care!

"With A Little Help From My Friends"

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 20:17:27 GMT

What are the responsibilities of a friend? How important are friends to our life, what exactly do they give us? To be honest, I live through my friends; I wouldn’t know how to function without them in my life. Each one offering something different for me, helping to make me who I currently am. Whether or not that’s always a good thing is a different story. At what point would I cease to function without them? Everybody wants to be independent, yet most of us rely on others to be truly happy. There are so many factors that make up friendships and questions that are brought up within them. Questions of whether or not one is taking the other for granted, or if two people are being completely honest with one another, or if trust really does exist. How exactly does forgiveness work? Unconditional love, does it exist? Where do we draw the line between acquaintance, friend, or even best friend? I personally can’t answer these questions myself. One of my biggest problems is that I don’t know how to handle a friendship it seems. I don’t know what my responsibilities are or how to meet the expectations of those around me, but I do my best to understand and grow.

A friendship can only work if both people are willing to reach out for the other, to compromise when there are problems, to communicate when there is a misunderstanding. People are all different obviously and they are attracted to different qualities, to each their own. When people aren’t willing or able to commit themselves to making a friendship work, I consider that an acquaintance, a mutual understanding that one knows the other. The only responsibility that I feel an acquaintance carries with it is respect. They may not agree or care for the other’s company, but without respect, somebody will get hurt. And sometimes an acquaintance wants to be more in the other’s life, so they try to make themselves heard. I honestly don’t see the point in ignoring those that are trying to reach out. I do my best to act in a way that is not unproductive; I feel that if I’m ignoring a person, I’m only causing grief in my life as well as in theirs. Really, who is that helping in the long run?

And then there’s a friend, a friend is one you can trust, who you can rely on, who you know will be there for you through thick and thin. I have amazing friends, people who will invite me out to spend time with them, who want to include me in conversations. They bring out the best in me. I don’t know if I’m just a person who gives others too much of myself, but I hold them above most else in my life. I often hold friends to the degree that I hold my family, I trust that they always be there no matter what the world throws at me. Because of this, I don’t know how to say good bye. I don’t know how to let one go no matter how bad they may be for me, or how bad I may be for them. Friendships bring expectations with them, we hope that they will not disappoint. But what do we do when we have been disappointed, what do we resort to? Forgiveness and understanding are the optimistic choices, giving up and abandonment are the pessimistic ones. Yes, it all depends on what the disappointing action entailed, but nonetheless, we hope for the best, do we not?

Friendships are not simple, thus, they’re complex. It is hard to keep one alive, to keep it thriving, but it’s obviously very possible. But what helps a friendship survive? What makes it something that is constantly desired? For instance, it helps when a friendship can spread out. Let me explain, there is a saying along the lines of “when you marry someone you don't only marry that person you marry their family”. This saying holds true in the world of friends. Yes, not everybody can get along, but who doesn’t want the approval of their friends when it comes to who you choose to spend your time with? Yes, you may not need it, but it can definitely make life a little easier. The means in which people go through to make a friendship work can be difficult, but who knows, maybe you’ll make new friends along the way. In order for friends to stay close, they need to grow with one another. Yes, people change when they want to, when they need to, but people naturally grow. Friends can either grow apart of grow together, but that all depends on what those involved are looking for in the friendship itself. Some look at a friendship as forever, others look at it as a chapter in their life that may eventually end and has to be accepted if it is, but it is without a doubt that two people must grow together for success.

A friendship cannot exist when certain requirements are not met though. You can’t be friends when you know that somebody questions your intentions. If one is doubtful of what you’re saying then it is hard to feel trusted, to feel as if there is respect there at all, the most basic foundation to a friendship. I know that I’m not perfect, but I do try, I try my best to give those that I’m close to the benefit of the doubt. If they disappoint me, I try to forgive. I know that I’ve hurt people, that I’m not a good person all of the time, much of the time, but I have never denied my mistakes, my regrets. If I could go back and changed what I did, I would, but I can’t. So instead, all that I can ask of those who are my friends, who love me as much as I love them, that they don’t give up. That there is a degree of unconditional love found within my friendships…

The best of friends are those who don’t make you feel like you’re being judged, the ones who you can be yourself around. I wish that I knew that perfect formula, the one that could make all of my friendships successful, that could keep the bonds between people strong no matter what. Memories can be everlasting and unforgettable, just like friendships can be. I thank those who are my acquaintances, my friends, and those who stand out among all else in my life. Those who cause me to remember experiences based on sights or sounds, locations or events, anything and everything.

You Can't Always Get What You Want..

Sat, 31 May 2008 15:27:08 GMT

So yeah, trying my best to not write back to back "philosophical" posts, so here's just randomicity.

So I had my first interview for Wannado City on Wednesday where I was interviewed with a child obsessed religious guy, and then the two of us were told to come in again on Thursday for our second one. I was taken around the park for the first time and asked a bunch of scenario questions, but yeah, now I'm working over at Wannado City, go me! yeah...

And then yesterday was an interesting adventure to say the least. Let's just start by pointing out how LAME Chrissy is!!! She got me up at 6 in the morning so that I could drive her to school by 7. To all the college kids out there, 6 in the morning is unacceptable, one should never have to wake up that early, but I did... grrr. We got to the school and she went to her Sign of the Knights meeting while I went to the Magnet Building to see Crystal and everybody else. When I got there, Anika asked if she could join Chrissy and myself because she needed a ride to graduation practice just like Chrissy did, so of course that was fine.

Mrs. Krauss ended up walking into Friedman's room while I was talking with him and she was back to her old ways, asking me if I knew any gossip, sigh, what kind of world are we living in?... The three of us then walked to the cafeteria where Anika and I were planning on sneaking into Senior Breakfast, but we eventually grew bored and unexcited, so I drove the three of us to McDonalds for a real breakfast, muhaha. We came back to the school after that so they could go and pick up their caps and gowns while I wandered the school, or at least the part without security. The three of us made our way into the Magnet building where I discovered that I'm a failure at locking doors, blarg.

We eventually left the school to go first to Chrissy's mom's office to drop off her stuff and then over to the hospital so that I could take my drug test for Wannado City. According to Anika, when the three of us walked into the emergency room, the 90 year old woman at the front desk thought that I got the two of them knocked up :) and she also some guy snort coke right in front of her. We eventually let there after being cut in line by 14 other people who were accepted by Wannado City to go and meet up with Amber at Barnes and Noble. Her and I walked around for a bit, catching up on stuff, and getting stuff out in the open. Chrissy then was nice enough to buy me some Starbucks, too bad I couldn't taste any vanilla like I should've. Lame. Finally, we said good bye to Amber and I drove Chrissy and Anika to the Broward Center for the Performing Arts for their practice. Overall, I had a really fun time with the two of them.

I left to go to the mall where I sat in the food court and worked on my stupid Chem 2 lab homework until Crystal got out of school. I picked her up and we went to the mall for lunch and then Barnes and Noble again where I finished up my homework and she studiedish for the SAT. I had class that not so I dropped her off at her house and drove home to get ready. I finally ended my day with wondering if Rachel was ever gonna get home from her date, enjoying being on webcam with Crystal, and watching the Season finale of House online... lots of crying.

I've been doing a hell of a lot of thinking about everything and it doesn't feel good. I hate this seesaw like pattern in my life. My time with Crystal is great, especially since it seems to be getting easier for her to talk with me, for things not to be so quiet when we're hanging out. Unfortunately, other facets of my life can't be running so smoothly. I didn't want to say good bye, I never thought that I knew how to. I'm the guy who holds onto a friendship forever no matter how badly they're going. On the surface, it's impossible for the two of us to not have a good time together, life isn't the same without her in it, especially the idea of not having her to spend my birthday with me, to see Batman together... But deep down, she doesn't think I'm a good person, she can't trust me, she never forgave me, and she deserves better in a friend, much better. I will always love her and hope that things change somewhere down the line, but I don't know anymore.

I really can't wait for tonight, but at the same time, why can't things just run smoothly in my life... just this once.. please God, I want to know how it feels...

~Jon

You and me
Have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes

"Mad World"

Thu, 29 May 2008 17:35:41 GMT

What’s the best way of waking up? For myself, it’s beside somebody who means a lot to me, who is there to make me feel like waking up is worthwhile. What’s the most common way for which people wake up? Is it thinking about all the bad that the day has to offer? Is it remembering the night before, or not remembering the night before? How about being constantly reminded or your past? All the bad, and never the good.

The past is an interesting thing. It makes us who we are and we can never escape it. It’s our job to go ahead and accept our past and take responsibility for all of our actions. One of the worst things that I feel can haunt one is regret because that’s when the guilt really kicks in. That feeling of everything that you look at reminding you of your mistakes and how pathetic you are for doing what you did. Words on paper looking as if they all say failure, liar, asshole. What could be done to make things worse? How about being reminded by those that you hurt too. Yeah, that could do the job. But what, you deserve to be reminded, that’s called taking responsibility for your actions and dealing with the consequences. But in that reminding process, who is it that is really being hurt? Who isn’t it hurting actually, those doing the reminding as well those who are being reminded must repeat the regretful situation every time that it’s brought up, so when does this end?

At some point, one’s mistakes may be brought up to others. That’s what many of us like to call “being talked about behind your back”. What a feeling… how amazing would it be if we knew who was saying what behind our backs? Actually, do we really want to know? Sure, people rant, but at what point does the ranting actually reflect a person’s true feelings? Nonetheless, it hurts. Why is it so difficult to just tell others how we feel about them? I’m not saying that we should go around telling one another off, but bringing up problems really seems to be the only way to compromise, to find some sort of resolution. And then there’s a whole other category of talking behind one’s back. It’s what comes of ranting to those who you’re close to. Not everyone knows this feeling, and that’s a good thing, it can be really painful. Try to imagine how it must feel to have strangers hating you. Sure, who cares, right? You don’t know them, they don’t know you, then why does it really matter? The way that I look at it is, yes, we don’t know one another, but I never had the chance to defend my actions either, to give my side of the story. The feeling of knowing that there are people out there telling your closest friends that they shouldn’t be friends with me is incomparable. Sigh.

One of the traits that I thought I possessed was the ability to talk with others, to be able to listen to their problems, to be able to give them helpful advice. I am an active listener, right? I enjoy listening to the stories and experiences of my friends. At what point did I lose this ability, when did I get so bad at talking with others, at making them feel better about themselves? What happened to my patient nature? People now tell me that I patronize them, that I ignore the reasoning behind their feelings, that I assume that they are being silly for feeling the way that they do. I’m sorry for that, these were never my intentions. I need to do my best to watch what I say and how I say it.

But I can’t always be wrong, I’m not always the enemy. I don’t want sympathy, it’s just that things are complicated, obviously. My actions, am I basing them on the feelings of others or am I doing them because I feel the need to? Do I dictate my life or do the feelings of others? These people that I’m trying to be sensitive to, that I’m trying to respect, they are my friends, right? They’ve always been there for me, will that ever change? Should I expect to lose those closest to me at some point because of something that I felt was right for me? There are pressures out there, pressures that we can feel yet can’t express to the extent that they exist. It’s hard to explain these things, it’s even harder to live with them. Unconditional love… have we ever felt it?

As we grow older, do we also grow more mature? What does maturity exactly entail? Are grudges worthwhile? Can people be given another chance? Why do we continue to live our lives in a way that isn’t beneficial to ourselves? Stubbornness is a disease it seems, something that we just can’t shake off. I can’t stand being upset with those around me anymore; I’m not gaining anything from it. I want to try my best to find the good in those around me, and point it out to them too. We’ll see where this takes me.

“I say my hell is the closet I'm stuck inside”

Too Little Too Late

Thu, 29 May 2008 13:31:06 GMT

Being home gives me way too much time to write. I've been writing e-mails, LJ posts, and Facebook wall comments, not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing yet.

Being home for the summer has been interesting so far to say the least. I've managed to see a crap load of movies already, all being pretty good in my opinion. Wasn't too big a fan of What Happens in Vegas, but the rest were really enjoyable. Last weekend, I went to the anime con over in Weston with Marina and I had a blast. We met Dante from Clerks!!! We also got to meet Tonks, Master Shake, and even the guy who designed Captain Hook for Disney's Peter Pan. I know, crazy. And then the two of us went to the late night rave both nights, lots of fun, Marina is a pretty awesome dancer, too bad my non-spanish legs can't keep up with her, I felt like I was going to tear my calf again :p

I also went to the beach with Crystal a little while back. I love her but I need to figure out how to keep her British self from not burning up every time we go out into the sun, silly Europeans. The two of us bought a fishy yesterday, it's name is Jak. I really hope that he doesn't die like all the others... What kind of zoologist am I going to be where I can't keep my fish alive for at least a month?! And it's a freaking betta! They don't need a filter, they can breath from the top of the water, it's not that complicated! LIVE! But yeah, Crystal and I are going to the movies this weekend so I'm looking forward to that.

Congrats to all the seniors graduating btw! Considering only one reads LJ, and I'm not even sure if she reads mine, I thought I'd throw that out there anywhere. Chrissy, Krystal, and I have been having biweekly bowling nights and they've been lots of fun. Sure, there was a slight car problem last week because of fridora Feeney and Chrissy fails because she looks like she's 12, but I forgive her. The four of us eventually got to the point where we changed identities with one another, I am the sexiest Chrissy ever btw.

Yesterday was my interview over at Wannado City and I have another one there at 10:30. I hope to get the job, mostly because I think it'd be fun to work with Chrissy. I also applied to Petco, but I haven't heard back from them yet. Btw, to those reading this who have recently applied to places, it wouldn't hurt to call them back and ask about the status of your application. As annoying of and idea as that sounds, it may help. After my interview yesterday, I went on over to Rachel's house to pick up my Wii from her house. It was over there because last Saturday night, Rachel invited a couple of people over her house for a Wii party. I think that it went well, it's just hard to have a party where everyone is competing against the others and not everyone is on the same level, but whoever tried seemed to have done fairly well, so bravo. The food was especially tasty, so woot for free tasty food :)

But yeah, Miranda and I ended up hanging out for a bit and went to get lunch together. I'm really going to miss that girl when she leaves me for NY at the end of this summer... how dare she?! Eventually Rachel got home and the three of us talked for awhile before I had to leave around 3ish. Later that night, I had my first exam for my Chem 2 Lab class, blah. I'm so tired of driving a million miles, wasting gallons and gallons of expensive gas, just to take stupid classes at BCC. Thank god they end by the end of June!

Happy Birthday Diana! (whose birthday was yesterday) I can't believe she just turned 20... how am I so freaking young?! My birthday is in two weeks I think, not too sure what I'm going to do yet, too much drama in my life for me to expect it to run smoothly... but a guy can dream, right?

"To be a rock and not to roll"

Thu, 29 May 2008 04:50:58 GMT

So yeah… life.

Many feel that life is too short to sit around being unhappy. What really makes life worth living? Happiness is the meaning of life, the goal for which we all live for, right? Many feel that they live to make others happy, that they want to be a parent one day, to be successful, but wants such as these really exist as means of becoming happy, don’t they? I guess the question then becomes one of what makes us happy exactly? Or should we look at life in a way of what doesn’t make us happy, giving us an idea of what to avoid? Everyone chooses a different route, a path that we steer ourselves towards at different parts in our lifetime, another question posed seems to be whether or not we can change roads. Is our life fixed or changing?

Many of the time we as people are paranoid of others as are we of ourselves. Our skepticism can be both a good thing and a bad thing. It all depends on our viewpoint, our principles, our morals, all of the above. We tend to let our bias of others influence our understanding of their intentions, as is expected. It’s human nature to be biased, we all are, but I think one can be biased yet open minded. Is it fair of us to assume that others are selfish? Or let me rephrase, should we assume that others are selfish in all of their decisions? Can one being genuine be mistaken as selfish depending on another’s bias? Sure it can, it happens all the time. We assume that we know others, that we know why they do what they do, what they’re thinking, who they are. If one reaches out to another, are they being sincere or are they trying to impress others around them? Should we assume that it’s the latter just to meet our expectations of the aforementioned person involved?

I guess this leads me to comparing the differences between optimism, pessimism, and realism. An optimist is one who feels that there is something good about everything, one who usually expects a favorable outcome. A pessimist believes in the opposite, a person who habitually sees or anticipates the worst or is disposed to be gloomy. While a realist finds themselves away from the extremes, somebody who only considers things as they are or appear to be, and avoids ideals and abstractions. Can one spend their life living solely on any one of these philosophies? The majority of people that I know want to be a realist; it takes them away from fantasies, it prevents one from being disappointed with unreal expectations. Unfortunately, according to the definition, it requires one to “consider things as they are or appear to be.” How fair is it to view life as it appears to be, where do surprising actions or behaviors fall in this mentality? Are these actions fake? Are there secret intentions behind them? I don’t know how one could live their life assuming that unexpected actions always have a hidden agenda behind them, it just seems to be something that wouldn’t allow me to ever really be happy.

Can people change? A wise girl that I know often tells me that people can only change if they want to change, if they feel that they need to change. I agree, I feel that self motivation is vital in order for a change to occur, unfortunately though, it’s not always clear whether or not one is self motivated enough to change. Because we can’t know for sure, we use past experiences to decide whether or not one can change, but doesn’t that just contradict that idea of change in itself? It just leads me to believe that one can’t only be sure of themselves all the time, one cannot grow without doubting their own assumptions in life. If life was so black and white, so simple that we could apply the same formula to every experience we encounter, it wouldn’t be as unique in my opinion.

If we really strive to be happy in the long run, why do we assume against ourselves so often? Who hasn’t felt like they aren’t “good enough” before? We have all been there before, all in different degrees of course, but it’s a real and normal mentality, the question is to why we allow ourselves to linger with the thought for so long. Yes, it’s definitely easier said than done to escape from, but how do we get there in the first place? Obviously it has to do with confidence, self esteem, all of those motivational related words. It is so much easier to just believe what we’re used to, why shouldn’t we? Life is all about patterns, who are we to doubt the pattern and hope that it will change? This “depression” is a vicious cycle, no matter how cliché the term may be. I am a strong believer in that whole “if you believe it, it will happen” mentality. If you think that you’ll fight with your friend all the time, it’s bound to happen. If you assume the worst in others, you’ll see that no matter how made up it may be. Realizing that a person is doing this is clearly the hardest step, but it can open so many doors when discovered. We all deserve to wake up in the morning with a smile in my opinion. Yes, it may be cheesy, but seriously, many of us spend too many days of our life depressed, not meeting that “meaning of life,” that goal of happiness that we’re all reaching for, our own personal Holy Grail.

It would sadden me I guess if my words here “went in one ear and out the other”. Many of these concepts that I’ve mentioned are things that I think about often, that confuse me to no end because I have yet to figure out how I actually think myself. Which road I’m currently treading. Who I want beside me on this road. I guess the simplest idea one can live by is to be true to their heart, that seems like the only way to live life without regret. Do me a favor, at least think about what I’ve said here. I may be wrong in everything that I’ve said in your opinion and that is fine with me. But who knows, maybe I’m not.

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die tomorrow”

Everybody's Got a Laughing Place

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:34:12 GMT

Wow, two LJ posts in one month, crazy.

So this week has been interesting. I had a bio exam on Tuesday which really sucked. Yes, I understand that by have choices such as "A and B" and "None of the above" are really the best ways to test someone's understanding of the material, but that doesn't change the fact that they SUCK! I don't mind the class, I really enjoy it actually. Friedman, as crazy as he may be, definitely prepared me for it in AP Bio. I'm now realizing how many science classes I'm going to have to take here in college. I'm basically getting a chemistry major with biology classes. Okay, I understand why a Zoologist needs to learn Organic chem, Biology, and some chemistry, but why physics?! So many classes, no more drops available to use :(

I also went to Diana's swim meet on Thursday. It seems that it was some sort of frat/sorority/swimming club competition. She used to be on the swim team back in high school so she wanted to represent her sorority which was pretty kewl. Unfortunately she hasn't really trained like some of the other people there, so I'm hoping that this will drive her to get back into swimming, it was fun watching her do something that she is passionate about, even if it was based on lame sororities and fraternities.

Next Friday Crystal will be visiting and I'm really excited for that. It sucks though that she doesn't think I'll be able to see her for more than the length of the play. I was hoping to introduce her to some of my friends, maybe go out for lunch, I dunno. Chaperones suck, they're stopping me from getting to spend time with her despite this probably being the only time that she'll be able to see me here until she gets into college at the earliest... sigh.

Next weekend I also have the dance marathon. 26.2 hours of dancing for a good cause, it should be fun if there are other people there that I know. As many know though, I get tired easily, especially from dancing. I don't know if I'll make it, but it's worth a shot.

But that's a whole week away, I still have this weekend to deal with. I have to get started on a 2000 word Music Lit journal to write and, even more importantly, my Bio lab report to work on. Hopefully it won't be too bad, but after bombing the last one, I need to do well... NEED.

Take care everyone!

Take a deep breath and count to ten

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 22:44:39 GMT

Aside from my gimp leg, life is going alright I guess. It's great having Marina visiting for the week. For two people who never run out of things to talk about, a new setting for conversation is just icing on the cake. Too bad the one week that she gets to come here is the week in which I have too much work to do, but we're making it work, finding time to hang out and be happy.

Things between Diana and myself are having some ups and extreme downs. Way too much fighting. I really don't know why her and I fight so much, but it's really draining me. Her and I are going to Disney at the end of Spring Break... God save me

My gimp leg is really screwing up my life. I have to go to a physical therapy clinic tomorrow... I can't ever straighten my leg anymore. I hate this because I can't fence, I might not be able to go to either tournament coming... BLAH!!!

So, I have two exams this week and a ridiculously important quiz to do... Wish me luck

Walking on the Moon

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 15:50:58 GMT

So... Tired...

I went home this past weekend and it felt nice. Sure, I got back to Gainesville exhausted only to stay up late doing a lab report and such, but it was well worth it.

Maybe it's rosy retrospection, but being back at FlaRF was an amazing feeling. Despite some of the better booths and entertainment being MIA, I still had fun. I'm glad that I cam back for the C/O, amazing memories there. I know hat it's not a necessarily good thing, but since newbies practically didn't come, it felt like old times again. I got to see a lot of people that I hadn't seen in a longtime, some I didn't think I'd have a conversation with ever again, so that made me happy. Too bad my sister wasn't there... :p

And then I went and watched South's High School Musical on Sunday. As always, Zembuch's show was nicely put together and very entertaining. Sure, it was HSM, but it was a high quality show as expected. Great job Crystal ^_^ :p

I went to faire president's day with Rachel and had a chance to see some good shows, too bad I had to leave soon after :( But I'm gad that we got to go. Finally, back on campus, I've been doing nothing but fencing and school work. And to top it all off, my left leg feels like it's going to fall off, so much pain! I be dead... O I am slain... At least the eclipse was nice

Sad but true

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 15:45:13 GMT

This is random but something that I found in this month's issue of Campus Talk:

What guys hear vs. What girls mean

1) What you hear: FINE
What they mean: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2) What you hear: FIVE MINUTES
What they mean: If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3) What you hear: NOTHING
What they mean: This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine. (Refer back to #1 for the meaning of Fine.)

4) What you hear: GO AHEAD
What they mean: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!

5) What you hear: LOUD SIGH
What they mean: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over Nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of Nothing.)

6) What you hear: THAT'S OKAY
What they mean: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7) What you hear: THANKS
What they mean: A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say "You're welcome."

8) What you hear: WHATEVER
What they mean: Fuck you!

9) What you hear: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I GOT IT.
What they mean: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "What's wrong," for the woman's response to be Nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of Nothing.)

Stuff :p

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 08:11:10 GMT

Here’s a follow up entry that just talks about what I’ve been up to and will be up to in the near future.
For starters, fencing is killing me. I really do enjoy it, I love it when I get there, but the battle I have with myself to get there is just ridiculous. I don’t remember every being this sore so often. So many stab wounds, so many sore joints, just ouch. It would be so much more fun in the back of my mind if my coach didn’t treat all of us like we’re going to be Olympians one day or if we didn’t have to pay for our trips around the country out of our own pockets. I’m still happy that I’m a Florida Fencer, this is a four year commitment that I’m planning on sticking with.
Classes here aren’t too bad… aside from chemistry. My teacher is this EVIL old man who thinks that we’re all going to hell if we don’t know chem inside and outside. I don’t even like chemistry! Why do I have to take so many years of chemistry to become a freaking zoologist?! BLAH! I didn’t get into the lab for this semester, but hopefully I’ll be able to make it up eventually.
My friends here are fun to spend time with. I might not have an incredible bond with any one of them, but it’s nice to be able to go out with a group of people for a change rather than one at a time because I’m afraid that I’d create trouble if they are all there together.
I sometimes worry about my friends that don’t go to UF, but I have faith in them. I know that they’re able to hold their lives together and make things work out for the best eventually. A few of them have a new interest in the gym it seems. I like the idea, just something I’ve noticed.
Next weekend is the Renaissance Festival up here. I’m pretty excited for it, it’s supposed to have some great entertainers and Rachel’s planning on coming too. It’s always nice when she comes up and visits, it’s a plus that she gets along with my friend’s here too.
Tomorrow I’m supposed to go to Lake Waulburg with Diana… IN 34 DEGREE WEATHER! I know that a few people who’re reading this are laughing at the idea that that temperature is anywhere near as cold as they are, but I’m a Floridian and am “potentially” going swimming in that weather. So please, wish me luck.

I hope everyone’s doing well and take much care : )

2007 ---> 2008

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 08:10:38 GMT

So, it’s the New year… finally

I know that I don't post here too often, and that some people just look at LiveJournal as an emo posting board, if at all, but I think it's kind of nice to do a mass message every now and then.

I also know that the fact that it's now 2008 is just a label, that it doesn't technically change anything, but for me at least, it does. 2007 was an amazing year for countless reasons; graduation, Grad Nite, starting college, my relationship with Crystal, getting ridiculously closer to those who are important in my life, etc. But as everybody knows, there were tons of downs in there too. I feel responsible for way too many

Last year I was responsible for hurting some of my closest and dearest friends. People hated me and I even became a reason for why certain ones aren’t friends with one another any more, and for those reasons, I’m sorry.

My Winter Break went well, plenty of smiles and lots of memories. Sure, there were a few arguments here and there, but it wouldn’t have been a day with Jon if there weren’t any… : p I want to thank those who helped me make my time worthwhile. I watched a few movies, drank a little champagin, played lots of Rock Band, beat Raining Blood, went to the beach, and tons of other things.

Over the break I visited the school. It was nice but it definitely got me thinking. So much has changed since freshman year. For the most part, I loved every memory. I loved my friends, most of my teachers, those four years in general. It’s a shame though that certain things had to change, but that’s life. It’s a shame that people don’t even attempt at reaching out, how people who were once somewhat close have completely lost interest, but that’s life. Good people are hard to come by, and people change, but it’s sometimes pointless to hold grudges. People make mistakes, I’ve made way too many, but life is too short to not forgive sometimes. Even the most different people can still make for a good conversation, or at least a decent friend. For some people, friends are more important than family, so why not let those who want to be there for you… do just that, be there for you?

It’s kind of kewl that I do have such great friends in my life. Sure, maybe I consider too many people “my friend”, but where’s the harm in that? Who ever said that being one’s friend is some sort of exclusive club? I now realize that there’s a hierarchy of some sort, as much as I try to deny it, it exists. The lines that divide my friends from one another may be a little blurred, but that’s who I am. I’m still learning, get back to me in twenty years, maybe I’ll know what I want by then, but till then, work with me why dontcha? :)

I noticed that this e-mail was all over the place, but they usually are. I wish everyone the happiest of New Year's, good luck on a new semester of classes, and I'll do my best to write again soon for those who still read these :p

Happy Halloween!

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 18:46:46 GMT

Happy Halloween!

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday for some reason, still haven't figured out why that is. Just the idea of smiling and getting candy on a night where nobody is who you think they are is just so much fun to me. I'm sad that I'm not home, that Halloween will be different this year, especially compared to the last few years, but things change and I need to try to enjoy my night. I really hope everyone out there has a fun and safe Halloween, and don't forget, half-off on candy tomorrow!

Here are just a few random pics from past Halloweens!

Why?

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 07:08:42 GMT

Kind of like how I mentioned in the last entry, college isn’t shaping out to be the way I was hoping. I’m sure that there are a few people out there that are going to read this and feel that I’m finally getting what I deserve, and maybe they’re right, but I’m really running out of places to run to. I know, it’ll take time; all I can do is keep trying and don’t give up hope. Well, I haven’t given up, it just seems that none of my efforts really pay off.

I fasted from Friday night until Saturday night, it was hard, but I’m glad that I did it. For the first time I sort of appreciated its purpose. Maybe not on a religious level, but on the level of learning how to be appreciative. There was a part of the service where we were told to think back and remember those who we’ve lost. I’ve been blessed with the fact that there haven’t really been anyone in my life who have passed away recently, but I do, however, feel that I’ve lost many of those who are important to me since moving up to Gainesville.

I think that what I’m really trying to get at is the fact that I was spoiled. This past year has been ridiculously memorable for many reasons, but it wouldn’t have meant a thing if it weren’t for the people who made it that way. The late nights, the beach, the movies, none of those would’ve mattered if it weren’t for those who made them matter. Those who I’m referring to know who they are, I just wanted to, once again, thank them. They gave me everything that I am missing from my life now. I felt wanted, I felt trusted, I felt important. I knew that I had people to rely on, people to ask me how my day was, a shoulder to cry on if needed. Sure, they weren’t really fond of one another by the time I left, but they all pushed their feelings aside for me, so I thank them for everything. I was spoiled, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing even if I could.

There are way too many negatives floating around in my head, I just wish I could do something about them. I stay up late at night and just look through my thousands upon thousands of photos. I know, they’re probably just going to make me more depressed, but hey, it’s calming while I’m looking through them. I come across certain events that I know have been tainted due to the time that they took place and my idiotic actions of the time. I know it’s in the past, that sorry won’t change a thing, I just wish that I could still talk about these memories without those who were effected cringing at the thought. Even if it doesn’t help, I’m sorry, and I hope that we can one day talk about them again with a smile on our faces.

Another thing that seems to be holding me down is my whole friend situation here. No matter how hard I try to make friends, it doesn’t seem to help. How is it that I seem to be the only one who’s still reaching out to make friends? I start a conversation with others out of the blue with the hope that they’ll want to talk to me again the next day or sometime in the future, but it’s never the other way around. No one has ever turned to me and introduced themselves, asked me what my major was, where I live, anything of the sort. It’s just confuses me how it seems everyone has already established themselves and I’m still crawling around, scouring the campus for those who are still wandering, looking for somebody else feeling lost like myself. It definitely doesn’t help that I’ve recently been told that my attitude is the reason why I can’t seem to make new friends, that my high school friends are the only ones willing to deal with me…

At least it’s comforting to hear that many of my friends are enjoying their lives or at least aspects of their lives. I’m sorry that I can’t be there when they need me, I really wish that I could.

This new chapter of live known as “college” is shaping to be different than anything I’ve had to cope with before, I just hope that things grow clearer as I turn these heavy pages…

~Take care, Jon

The film reel never lies

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 09:51:05 GMT

This is my first post in over a month and it's also my first post since starting college. So much has changed, new faces, new places, new life. I don't really know what to say here, but I felt the need to write something.

Let's see. UF is definitely an amazing place. The weather will get nice and chilly and everything is just so kewl looking. It's nice to see moss draping all of the trees, animals all over the campus, and brick dorm buildings that are over a hundred years old. Soon the leaves will be changing colors and falling off the branches. The food situation is good too. There are two dining halls with different food in each. The one closer to me has "American" food like hot dogs, hamburgers, macaroni and cheese, rotisserie chicken, etc. It also has omelets and spaghetti too though. And then there's the dining hall on the other side of campus with fancier food like fish, chicken and beans, pitas, etc. All the food is just so good, even those girls out there who refuse to eat when I ask them to would eat if they had this food in front of them ;) Classes are alright, I really haven't given them my 100% yet though, but that just proves that things don't always change. Hopefully that'll be one of those bad habits I can work on. The fact that I'm typing this with zero hours of sleep and a chemistry exam in less than two hours is proof of my last statement.

As for my social life, my mind's all over the place. I'm sort of doing alright, I guess, here. I don't know too many people aside from the few I knew from South, but hopefully joining Fencing will help me with that lack of social skills. The hardest part about college has definitely been leaving my life behind. I know that that's one of the main reasons some people look forward to college, but there were some really great people in my life that I really wasn't ready to leave behind. I'm glad though, even if it's not always pleasant, those who are close to me still try to be a part of my life and I try to be a part in their's.

I hope to see whom ever this may concern sometime in the near future. Hopefully everyone's doing well and take much care!

~Jon

Credits...

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 09:37:40 GMT

I didn't know when I was going to do this in a post, but it's really late and I can't fall asleep, so I might as well do it here. If I forget somebody, I apologize and names are in no particular order, I swear.

Amber, I regret not learning more about you before this year, but you've treated me better than most that I've known for years. You've stood by my side and have stayed true to your beliefs. You have got to be one of the easiest people to talk to and I thank you for all that you've done for me. I wish you the best of luck in college and really do hope that you're one of those people that I won't lost contact with. There's nobody that I'd be happier to call my sister :)

Becca, or auntie for that matter, thanks for being you. Always asking if things are alright no matter what mood you or anyone else may be in. These last few years have been a lot of fun and lots of those unforgettable memories. I wish we could've made more, but I'll be sure to cherish the ones that we do have.

Devon, damn. I don't know where to begin. These last four years have been pretty freaking awesome. Whether it was in or outside of school, you were always you, a really kewl guy and a fun friend. I hope that you have a fun time in college and I know that I'll see you around, one way or another.

Wyatt, you have got to be one of the few people that I have never had a fight with. I'll never forget your great stories and your tasty dishes. As Dane's Knights, we'll always be kewler than everyone else. You'll always be the person that I think of when I hear anything about karma and karma will somehow bring us back together somewhere down the road I'm sure.

Monica, or mother. I know that we're not on the same page anymore, there have been way too many memories to go ahead and ignore. So many afternoons spent at your house or over at the duck pond writing songs. Thanks for letting me into your life the way that you did and I know that we'll always be brought back to one another through Paladin Society at least.

Sara, just like with Monica I know we're not on the same page, but that doesn't really matter to me. I'm not really interested in how you may feel about me anymore, but I will never forget how important you were once to me. Buying lunch would not have been the same without you there with me, I still have your belt ;) Thanks for the memories Sara, I loved them all.

Jenn, thanks for inviting me to all of your amazing parties. We never had the chance to get to know one another too well, but we've definitely been through a lot, including AP Comp with Mrs. Vogt! It was fun hanging with you, Amber, and Rachel on Grad Nite, it was a blast. Thanks for everything and sorry about the late pictures, lol.

Ana, thanks for the memories. Your LJ posts have always been so entertaining, so thanks for those. I know we never knew each other too well, but things were never the same between everyone when you left for Orlando. Your cameos have always been welcome and greatly enjoyed. I am so jealous that you get to work in Disney and I wish you the best of luck in the future.

Goliath, yeah, lol. As a part of my mentality that it's pretty pointless to hold grudges and such, I'm here saying thanks for the good times and damn, those bad times sucked. Sorry for being such a thorn in your side for so long and even a jerk here and there. We got through both Mrs. Black and Mrs. Holmes, that's gotta count for something, dontcha think?

Shayla, I love how you’ve stayed in my life for so long. Starting in fifth grade and somehow finding one another in high school, things have been great, you’ve been great. Thank you for being such an awesome friend, making Culinary fun, and so much more. We found eachother after years apart, I’m sure it’ll happen again. Thank you Shayla. I’ll be sure to meet you on Naboo one of these days.

Steph from Virginia, you're one crazy person, but that's a good thing! You helped me enjoy life a little more and introduced me to Marina. So many jokes, so many nights, so many 4 AM calls. Thanks for not giving up on me and always holding onto the memories. It was awesome seeing you when you were down and I know that we'll see one another again someday, but until then, we'll stay in contact, no doubt.

Chrissy, the useless one. Thank you. No matter what's going on, you've always been a sweet person. I don't know what to really say about you to really capture how awesome you can be. Refusing to get involved with drama when you can and, like Amber, always sticking to your values. I know that you're going to make an awesome seneschael and I will be happy to know that you're still here when I come down to visit from Gainesville. Maybe we'll get to see Krystal one of these days, but until then, much love!

Sigh...

Rachel, I know that you don't read LJ, but I just felt the need to mention one of the most important people in my life on here. You are the only person still in my life that has been here for me all four years of high school. Sure, we had three classes together, but we shared hundreds of hours together in Society. Whether it be going to Hialeah on the train with Ryan, or doing the play over at Plantation Park Elementary, or everything in between, you have always been my partner. Operation Mayhem will happen one of these days and I know that you’ll be my partner in crime. Thank you for letting me into your life, introducing me to your family, and being such an amazing friend. I can’t say enough good things about you and I sure as hell cannot say everything I want in this limited space, but thank you princess and I know that you’ll always be in my life so I can smile and look forward to the future…

Marina, I don’t even know where to begin to talk about our friendship, everything we’ve been through… Since that first night on the phone with Steph I knew that you were a great person. Lil’ Slugger in my book, you have always done your best to make as memories as possible and I thank you for that. I am forever grateful that you visited me at Kilwins that night, making the first move in our everlasting friendship. I apologize for all of the ways that I’ve hurt you and have let you down, but I thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. Steak and Shake will never be the same in my head again thanks to you. Thank you for letting me be such a big part of your life, inviting me to all social events and bringing me with you to Disney. I hate how you’ll be so far away, but I’m always here for you and I know you’ll always be here for me no matter how far the distance… Thank you Marinita.

Crystal, Lady, wow. This past year has been quite the rollercoaster ride. Much like everybody else, I sure as hell cannot fit everything that I want to say here on LJ, but I do want to make a point to tell you and the rest of the world how important you’ve become in my life. In less than a year you and I have created so many unforgettable memories and I am proud to call you my girlfriend. I know that I have hurt you and regret doing so on every level, but I thank you for holding on to me and giving me a permanent place in your heart and life. From football games to Red Lobster and everything inbetween, you have had such an impact. So many inside jokes that I can’t even begin to list them here. I hate how our relationship will be cut short due to college, but if I had the chance to go back, I would do it all over again, I swear. Despite our shortened relationship, our friendship will stay strong for a long time to come. I will always be your Tramp and you my Lady, always and forever.

Like I said, no particular order, and if I forgot anyone, I apologize.

With college (or bag o’ s#!t) just around the corner, I wanted to thank everyone again and I hope that people can try to forgive and forget.

~Sincerely, Jon